Gone Too Soon: Something About Death (REPOST)

This is reposted from my MySpace Blog. I wrote this essay on January 22nd of this year. This is my tribute to the late Heath Ledger.


"Yep, you're a real thinker there. Goddamn. Jack fuckin' Twist; got it all figured out, ain't ya?"

-- Ennis Del Mar from Brokeback Mountain

"It's not about me anymore, it's all about him."

-- Robbie Clark from I'm Not There



I was walking down the hallway from my parent's bed room when I heard the news from the television on March 5th of 1982. John Belushi had died. It caught me off guard. I ran into their room and watched the tragic news with my Mom and older brother. It hit me very hard. My Mom had taken us to see Animal House on opening day. We watched him on Saturday Night Live. He was indeed an idol; I was heart broken. Before that, the death of Peter Sellers back in the summer of 1980 was another tragic loss. For both of these men, there would not be any more new visits at the local movie theater. They had left us and in both cases, they had left us too soon. After Peter Sellers died, I remember talking to the ice cream man on our street about it. He was very sad as well. Their antics defined my youth to a large part. John Lennon's murder in 1980 was the worst shock. Everyone was at a loss for words. My elementary school teachers were crying the next day. I will never forget that week as long as I live. When they died, it felt like a little piece of me had gone with them.

The unexpected death of Brad Renfro last week and of Heath Ledger today has left me very saddened. Brad Renfro's work in The Client, Apt Pupil, Telling Lies In America, Ghost World and especially, Bully showed an incredible power for such a young age. Larry Clark's Bully was the raw power father figure to last year's Alpha Dog. Renfro's debut in The Client showed a child actor who held his own with Susan Sarandon and Tommy Lee Jones. There was so much promise there. It was a shame that he fell back into old habits, but when he was on screen, it was dynamic and rarely forced. He was the real deal. Ben Foster has that same kind of intensity.

In 1993, the news was not much better. First, Brandon Lee was killed accidentally on the set of The Crow. A blank was lodged in his spine after penetrating his abdomen. Like his father before him, his life was cut short. The promise of greatness was there in films like Rapid Fire and Showdown in Little Tokyo-- not great films, but films that were fun and hinted at greater things to come. Watching The Crow was a somber experience when it was released the following year in 1994. I kept the soundtrack in my car until I sold my car in 2003. I visited his grave and his father's grave in 1995. It was an emotional experience to say the least. It did not help things that John Candy died from a heart attack in March of 1994. He was another one that made me laugh all the time. His characters on SCTV were always a pleasure to watch. Splash, Stripes, 1941 and Uncle Buck were among the films for which I will remember him. The mud wrestling scene in Stripes was hilarious and it never grows old. Watching these films is way of honoring their memories.

While I lived in Los Angeles, I used to walk on Sunset Boulevard a lot. I walked by The Viper Room many times. Every time I walked by, I always thought of River Phoenix and his early exit from this world. A flurry of images flooded my mind. Whether it was Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, My Own Private Idaho, Explorers, Running On Empty, I Love You To Death, Dogfight, Little Nikita, The Mosquito Coast, Sneakers or Stand By Me, the face and the characters haunted me every time I walked by there. Even Belushi's spirit would cross my mind while going by the Chateau Marmont on some evenings. I remember I was at a friend's house the night after Phoenix had died. We were getting ready to go to a Primus and Melvins concert. They were interviewing Christina Applegate and Johnny Depp on Entertainment Tonight. They were devastated. We were too. I wanted to go buy all his films on VHS at Suncoast as soon as possible. I got what I could find. Imagined if he had lived-- the playing field would be very different today. He would have worked with Johnny Depp-- imagine the films they could have made. These would be the great what ifs along with James Dean and Montgomery Clift. Imagine how different things would have been had those two had lived to ripe old ages? James Dean was killed in a horrible car accident. Clift was seriously injured in a car accident during the production of Raintree Country. Elizabeth Taylor saved his life from the accident. He died in 1966, but the accident forever changed him. Even after the accident, he gave incredible performances, but the damage was done. It was the "longest suicide in history" according to his acting teacher, Robert Lewis.

I was going to an animal shelter with a friend of mine on April 5 of 1994 when the news came on the radio about Kurt Cobain's suicide. I could not believe it; I did not want to believe it. It sounded like a joke. I was in denial for days. It seemed too much like a cliché, but it was real and we did lose a very talented artist. I was lucky to have seen Nirvana in concert during the previous year. His suicide was enough for me. This is what it must have felt like when Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin died. I knew how the older generation must have felt. We had lost an original voice. Yet, the music did not die, it lives on. He took his own life, but all he had to do was ask and his fans would have come to his aid.

Today, we lost Heath Ledger. I'm not sure what to say. He belongs in the company above. Never even doubt that for a second. In I'm Not There, he was a powerhouse as Robbie Clark. It is the first thing that struck me while watching the film. Sure Cate Blanchett is amazing doing her very best Linda Hunt, but Ledger is having a blast in this film. The great truth about I'm Not There is that everyone playing Bob Dylan is at the top of their game. In 1999, I wandered into Ten Things I Hate About You because I had already seen The Matrix. He was delightful in that film. My great misfortune is that I have not seen Two Hands yet; I am sure it will be hard to find right now, but I will fix that soon. He was the heart and soul of The Patriot. He humanized it for what it was worth and you never doubted he was Mel Gibson's son in the film. When he left Monster's Ball, you could hear the silence for the rest of the film. He did better than anyone else in The Four Feathers-- a film that has been remade enough, but he and Djimon Hounsou made it worth our while. A Knight's Tale, Lords Of Dogtown, Candy, Casanova and The Brothers Grimm have some weight now. These were not great films and he made his share of duds. The Order was as bland as they come. As Ennis Del Mar in Brokeback Mountain, he walked away with all the best lines. The film turned out to be one of the great cinematic love stories of recent years. He was perfect in the film and it may be the role he is remembered for after everything is said and done. It stood out from everything else he had done before.

As The Joker in The Dark Knight, the trailer is a powerful revelation. There is something raw and menacing in his performance. His Joker is truly psychotic. This will be our last time to see Heath Ledger. The Dark Knight will not be an easy film to watch. The status of his last film, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus remains unclear. He was working again with Terry Gilliam. It looked to have been a classic Terry Gilliam film. Once again, we have lost a young and gifted performer. He was found dead in his Manhattan apartment. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends. What could have been is no longer possible. Yet, what has been will live on forever. Rest in peace, Heath Ledger.